Postpartum for Partners:“What can I do?”

by ERDC Doula, Sheyda

Here’s part 2 of our 2-part postpartum series by Sheyda!

As a postpartum doula, I often hear couples mention that they want their baby to be able to take a bottle so that the partner can also share the work of feeding the baby. Yes, feeding a newborn is A LOT of work. However, if there is a nursing parent involved, pumping milk and the mental load of making sure there is milk available in the fridge adds more work to that parent’s plate, not less.  At the beginning, the mother/parent-baby dyad needs to learn how to nurse by spending time together and by nursing. Yes, we want the baby to also know how to take a bottle – all in good time! There are a lot of other things to do in the meantime!

So, if you are expecting a baby soon and not the one to give birth, and wondering where you will fit in during this time of transition, read on for some ideas on what you can do to prepare and to support your partner.

Before baby arrives:

·      Prepare meals for the freezer, and stock the pantry and fridge before the birth. You and your partner will both be thankful later when you can quickly reheat a nutritious meal.

·      Do your own research on birth, postpartum recovery and baby care. Often partners will defer to the birthing parent to make decisions for the baby’s health and care and this is a huge invisible mental load that can be shared. You are both learning how to parent and care for your new baby.

·      Build up your own support systems – talk with friends who have already had babies and/or connect with other expecting parents beforehand so that you have folks to go to for emotional support during the postpartum period and throughout your parenting journey.

·      Talk with your partner about the basic things you each need to “feel human,” so that you can prioritize these things for each other and thus have a greater capacity to show up as better parents and partners.

For your baby:

• Change the diapers! All the diapers! Newborns have small tummies and are eating and then soiling diapers nonstop.

• Hold the baby and become an expert in other ways of soothing besides nursing. This can be spending time skin to skin with your baby, shushing and bouncing them, learning how to transfer them into their bassinet once asleep…

• Learn how to babywear - wear baby out on a walk for fresh air, while the birth giver rests. You can wear your baby and have them on your body while having your hands free to do other tasks.

For your partner:

• Protect the postpartum space. Help take care of the logistical communications with visitors. Keep the burdens out as much as you can, if they can wait.

• Feed the birth giver. If they are nursing, they will need a handheld snack and beverage every time they sit down to nurse.

• Be gentle. After giving birth, the hormonal shift is huge, resulting in a lot of changing emotions. Try to be patient and kind and give your partner a lot of grace.

• Encourage them and tell them how well they are doing, and how lucky your baby is to have them as their mother/parent.

• Massage. Be generous with comforting touch, if birth parent enjoys it -  hugs, cuddles, massage, comforting touch without expectation.

• Have confidence in your dyad. if nursing, understand that there is a learning curve at first. Be encouraging. When things are difficult, slow down and believe that your dyad can do it! You don’t need to rush in with a bottle. Take the baby and bounce them or give them your finger to suck on, while your partner can reset.

• Wash pump parts/bottles.

• If the birth giver is really overwhelmed, put them to bed. Have them take a nap - get them an eye-mask and say you’ve got the baby. Or if they want to sleep with the baby, keep an eye on them both so that they can sleep worry free.

• No matter who is working inside the home and who is working outside the home, you are both working and both of you deserve sleep and time spent “off-duty” from caregiving. The overwhelm that comes during this period can turn partners against each other, when really you can be each others’ greatest allies!

• And lastly, do things for yourself that are on that "feel human list!" And make space for your partner to do the same.

The postpartum period is not only a time for the birth giver to heal and for the baby to grow — it’s also a powerful opportunity for partners to step up and lead with love. By taking charge of the household, anticipating needs, and actively sharing in the mental load, you create space for deep rest, recovery, and connection between mother/primary parent and baby. Your presence, patience, and willingness to carry the weight of this transition can make all the difference. This is your time to be the anchor — steady, supportive, and fully engaged — as your family takes its first steps forward together.

Postpartum Prep: Ask for help, and then more help!

by ERDC Doula, Sheyda

Today we start a 2-part blog series on postpartum support (thanks to ERDC doula, Sheyda!); look for part 2 tomorrow.

Setting Yourself Up with the Support You Deserve Postpartum

Bringing a new baby into the world is often described as beautiful, magical, life-changing, as well as difficult, painful, bizarre—it’s all true. But what’s often left out of the picture is just how much support this time of the life cycle truly needs.

If you're expecting, one of the best things you can do for yourself, your baby, and your family is to prepare for the postpartum period before the baby arrives. That means not just stocking up on diapers and onesies—but setting up a support system that holds you, too.

Why Is It So Hard to Ask for Help?

Many of us were raised in a culture that prizes independence, self-sufficiency, and doing it all. We’ve internalized the idea that needing help means we’re failing, or that if we just try hard enough, we should be able to handle everything on our own.

This mentality masks the truth: human beings were never meant to parent in isolation. Historically, communities helped raise children together. Today, many of us are doing it without nearby family, close-knit neighbors, or a built-in village, and those who are nearby are busy with work.

All this to say - if asking for help makes you anxious or embarrassed—or you don’t even know where to start—that’s not a personal flaw. That’s a reflection of a society that asks too much of us while offering too little, and how the art of receiving just hasn’t been modeled for us. The below quote helps me keep things in perspective when I am feeling this way: 

“We are ALL here because of the physical and emotional sacrifice, care and love of someone else. This is part of the life cycle and all new parents deserve this level of care, not just you.”

— Seven Sisters for Seven Days, Michelle Peterson

Why Support Matters More Than Ever Postpartum

When a baby arrives, the rhythms of life change drastically. Basic things—like sleeping, eating, showering, even thinking straight— can suddenly feel out of reach. Our brains are rewiring for connection and empathy so that we are sensitive to our child's needs, while executive function lowers and sleep deprivation makes this part even worse.

Postpartum recovery and newborn care are full-time, all-consuming jobs. It’s unrealistic (and unfair) to expect yourself to also cook, clean, host visitors, answer texts, and maintain the emotional energy you had before.

Support isn't a luxury. It's a necessity.

The more you can build a supportive network around you, the more space you'll have to rest, heal, bond with your baby, and adapt to this new chapter.

Building Your Support Network

Take some time now—before you're deep in the haze of postpartum—to make a plan. Think of this as building your personal care team. Consider your mental, emotional, practical, and medical needs. Here's a starting point:

Who will be your Mental & Emotional Support?

·       Partner – If you have one, enlist them to create this plan together. You can also empower them to connect with their own support people as well, as you will be going through slightly different experiences. 

·       Close friends and/or family – Who is a good listener? Who makes you laugh? Who could help around the house? Who can you text when you are worried or sad? Who are you comfortable breaking down in front of? Who will respect your boundaries? Take a moment to list out who these folks are and keep the list where you can see it.

·       Parenting support groups – Online or local meet-ups can be lifelines for connection and shared experience.

 Household Help Needs

·       Meal train – Ask a friend to organize one, or set up a signup sheet via websites like MealTrain.com or Giveinkind.com

·       Cleaning help – Budget for a cleaner if possible, or ask friends to help with chores.

·       Errand runners – Think: grocery pickups, pharmacy runs, or walking the dog.

·       Postpartum doula – They offer in-home support for learning your baby, physical recovery, emotional understanding and strategic household help.

Identify Medical Providers

·       Lactation consultant – In case you need support with nursing or pumping.

·       Mental health therapist – Consider lining up sessions, especially if you have a history of anxiety or depression. Providers who are trained in the perinatal period can make a big difference in your adjustment and ability to cope with the added demands life with a newborn brings.

·       Pelvic floor physical therapist – this is the provider who can truly access your healing and help you recover and regain your strength and coordination to do the things that matter to you. I recommend having an appointment already on the calendar sometime 6 - 12 weeks postpartum.

·       Bodyworkers – massage therapists, acupuncture, craniosacral therapy…if you can budget for it or receive as a gift, these treatments can help balance your body and mind after giving birth and counteract the physical stress newborn care adds to the body.

How to Ask for Help (Before the Baby Arrives)

Okay - this is the part that may feel uncomfortable. But having conversations before you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or in pain makes it easier for everyone.

Try this approach:

·       Be specific: “Would you be open to dropping off a meal during the first week after baby arrives?” or “I know people often want to give space when a new baby arrives, but could you check on me by texting me and keeping me up with your news?”

·       Offer time frames: “Could I call you if I need someone to talk to during the evenings?”

·       Ask for roles: “I’m making a list of people I can lean on for support. Would you be open to helping with laundry or dishes?”

·       Check availability: “I know life gets busy—would you be around and okay with helping in this way sometime in those early weeks?”

A convenient way to set up support is through the website www.giveinkind.com, where you can create a care calendar and friends and family can sign up for times to drop off meals, to come over and tidy, to run errands etc. You will be surprised by how many people want to help but just don’t know how. When you give them clarity, it empowers them to show up for you in meaningful ways. Not only that, but by your example, you are giving your loved ones permission to reach out for help when they need it too!

Many hands make light work; knowing you have extra support coming around while you adjust to a new body, a new being in your life and relationship, is a healthy investment for yourself, your baby and your family. 

Further Reading: Seven Sisters for Seven Days by Michelle Peterson

The Magic of Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy

by ERDC Doula, Regina

Being born is hard. It’s meant to be. The newborn’s nervous system needs to go through birth in order to prepare the baby for the outside world. This “traumatic” birth experience prints the brain with “I can overcome difficult scenarios” at a time when the brain is making the most neural connections. Being squeezed through the birth canal also allows the head to be molded correctly and activates certain reflexes that are crucial for a healthy development of the baby. However, a long or short labor or C-section can add extra compression to the baby’s body, which often presents as latching problems, digestive or pooping issues, and excess unexplained crying. 

For example, if the baby’s head picks up too much compression at the back of the skull/top of the neck, the newborn will have a hard time pooping or digesting. This compression often occurs during the end of the pushing phase, when the baby needs to come under the front of the pelvis bone. 

An induced labor, especially where pitocin or vacuum was used, will leave excess compression on the top of the head (soft spot), which often leads to overall head tightness and thus latching problems and restlessness. 

A C-section baby has even more tightness in their head and body due to the sudden pressure change, which makes the head hard and tight, as well as the baby not experiencing the “squeeze” via the birth canal affecting basic primal development patterns like proper crawling that will affect future posture efficiency. 

Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy (BCST) is a gentle hands-on modality that can help the baby relieve these tensions and compressions that are often stored in their head, neck, back and mouth. It also helps regulate the nervous system, which in turn can improve the baby's sleep patterns, digestion, elimination and overall state of calmness. Allowing infants to experience BCST sessions can create a profound sense of relaxation and support their ability to adapt to the world around them. By addressing the trauma of birth early, you are laying a solid foundation for your baby's health and ensuring their long-term well-being. 

Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy also strengthens and nurtures the bond between the mother and baby, particularly when both are treated together as I do. This therapy encourages deep relaxation and connection, leading to a heightened sense of awareness and attunement between you and your newborn child which is invaluable during the transformative time of transitioning into motherhood. During the pregnancy itself, BCST can foster a sense of security, trust, and serenity between you and your unborn baby, allowing for greater preparation for the physicality of birth. 

Furthermore, BCST can be incredibly beneficial for new mothers in their postpartum journey. After the birthing process, many women experience physical discomfort or emotional uncertainties. BCST can help ease these challenges by promoting deep relaxation, reducing tension in the body, aid tissue healing and helping the re-balancing of hormones. This support during your healing process helps you embrace your role with confidence and joy.

In the UK, where I took my 2-year training of BCST, it is standard for the midwives to recommend new moms to give their baby some cranio! I’ve treated hundreds of moms and babies over the 8 years of practising BCST, fostering an ideal environment for their new life and would love to support you and your baby.

Regina’s website: babycraniony.com (let her know ERDC sent you!)

The Benefits of Prenatal Yoga & Pilates (+ a video workout for you!)

Staying active during pregnancy is one of the best things you can do for your health and your baby's. Prenatal movement will help lower the risk of certain pregnancy-related conditions such as gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia as it will manage blood pressure and blood sugar. Please always check with your healthcare provider before starting any new prenatal exercise, especially if you have complications or are high-risk.

Below, we talk about the benefits of prenatal movement, but if you’re 6+ weeks postpartum and want to return to movement in a safe, restorative way, Laura led director Lisa in a 30-min postpartum yoga & pilates workout for you on Instagram, and we uploaded it to YouTube for you! (Scroll down for the video.)(Or if you’re currently pregnant, bookmark this video on YouTube for later!) Grab your mat and enjoy…your body, mind & spirit will thank you! We recommend you put your earbuds in; Laura’s verbal cueing is so good you don’t even really need to look at the screen most of the time.

Benefits of Prenatal Yoga

1. Gently builds muscle tone, especially in the back, hips, and pelvic floor.

2. Breathwork in yoga will help during labor and delivery, and will also reduce stress throughout pregnancy.

3. Helps alleviate common pregnancy discomforts such as back pain, hip tightness, swelling, and even insomnia.

4. As your center of gravity shifts throughout pregnancy, yoga improves stability and coordination.

5. Fosters body awareness, helps you tune into emotional sensations that live in your body and promotes bonding with your baby.

   Yoga will give you the tools to listen to your body and trust it.
   

Benefits of Prenatal Pilates

1. Strengthens deep abdominal and pelvic floor muscles in a safe way, which will promote pelvic stability and minimize diastasis recti (abdominal separation).

2. Helps counter the posture changes (thoracic kyphosis and lumbar lordosis) that come with a growing belly and shifting weight.

3. Low-impact workouts help maintain energy and endurance.

4. Strengthens glutes, quadriceps and hamstrings to stabilize the pelvis and sacrum, preventing or easing lower back, SI joint and pelvic girdle pain.

   Prenatal Pilates will keep you strong and supported.

This post was written by ERDC doula Laura

Postpartum Doula Interview Questions

Because lots of expectant parents ask us for guidance on what to ask when interviewing postpartum doulas, we figured we should go ahead and make it a public blog post!

As we mentioned on teh birth doula interview questions post, the “right” questions will vary from person to person. You won’t want to ask ALL of these questions (plan for ~30 minutes for your complimentary consult/interview), so curate for yourselves which questions you’d like to ask or use this as a creative starting point to come up with your own.

General Background & Experience

• What inspired you to become a postpartum doula?

• What do you love most about being a doula? What is hardest about it?

• Tell me about your experience, training and/or certification(s) (note: not only postpartum doula but also breastfeeding/bodyfeeding and infant CPR, if desired)

• Any other specialties that you incorporate into your work? (examples: babywearing, sleep, mental health, herbalism, homeopathy, other holistic and/or bodywork modalities such as craniosacral therapy or reiki.)

• Do you have experience working with families with similar needs to ours (e.g., C-section recovery, multiples, special needs, single parents, LGBTQIA+, specific medical conditions for parent or baby, etc.)?

• Have you supported families with babies in the NICU? If so, what did that support look like logistically?

Approach & Philosophy

• How do you typically support new parents in the postpartum period? What specific ways do you support the birthing parent’s recovery & holistic wellness?

• What can you share about your approach to newborn care, feeding, and sleep?

• Are there certain kinds of families that you find you are a good fit for, or prefer to (or not) to work with and why?

• How do you handle situations where your advice differs from what the parents want to do?

• What is your approach to supporting both parents in adjusting to life with a newborn?

• If we have our family/in-laws/friends coming to care for us after the baby comes too, how would you typically work with or alongside them to support us as a team?

• Can you help with breastfeeding, pumping, or formula-feeding guidance?

• What is your experience with & approach to infant sleep guidance?

• Are there light household tasks you’re willing to do (laundry, meal prep, etc.)?

Logistics & Availability

• What are your typical hours and schedule availability?

• Do you offer overnight support? If so, how does that work?

• What is your cancellation or rescheduling policy?

• What’s your policy if you get sick or have an emergency or birth you’re called to when we’re scheduled for a shift? Do you have a backup doula arrangement/option or is it just a reschedule/cancellation?

• If you’ve ever had past clients that you had to sever a contract with, or cease working with for some reason, can you say more about that?

• How long do families typically work with you? How long do you recommend daytime shifts be? Nighttime?

Fees & Contract

• What are your rates, and do you offer packages?

• Do you require a deposit, and what is your payment schedule?

• What happens if we need more or less support than originally planned?

• Do you have a contract we can review?

If you’re an expectant parent, already a parent, or birth worker, let us know if there are things you’d add (or things birth workers out there do NOT like to be asked!)!

Birth Doula Interview Questions

Whenever expectant parents are considering hiring a birth doula to support them, we commonly are asked, “I have no idea what to ask! Can you please give me some questions I should ask?”

While the “right” questions will vary from person to person, here are just a few to get your creative juices simmering.

Sidenote: If you haven’t already asked your care provider about their opinion on doula support, it’s wise to do this before hiring one. In the unlikely event that they don’t have a positive opinion, consider probing a bit to learn why they feel this way. This may give helpful insight about the care provider you’ve hired.

• What led you to become a doula?

• Tell me about your experience, training and/or certification(s) (if applicable).

• Do you have specific specialties/modalities?

• What’s your fee and what does it cover? Refund policy?

• How many clients do you take on per month?

• Will you have a backup arrangement? If so, will I be able to meet the backup and will they have comparable experience? How often have you needed to use backup?

• If it’s a doula partnership, ask about the on-call structure.

• Have you worked with my OB/midwife? (If you have, what’s your opinion and how do you get along with them?)

• Have you worked at my birthing location/setting?

• What’s your communication approach in labor? (Do you advocate for me directly to the staff or make suggestions to me/my partner on how to advocate for ourselves?)

• What happens if I need either a scheduled cesarean or if my labor goes in such a way that I need a cesarean?

• When do you join me in labor?

• What do we do in our prenatals?

• How do you involve my partner (if applicable)?

• How do you prefer to communicate (phone/text/email, times of day, etc.)

• What pain coping techniques/comfort measures do you find yourself using most with your clients? (and you have a specific preference/need, ask about this)

• Do all of your clients have unmedicated births? How do you feel about pain medications?

• Also, think about any special, personal needs you might have – e.g. do you need a doula who speaks a specific language or is well-versed in specific cultural or religious rituals surrounding pregnancy, birth, postpartum?

• Would any of your previous clients be willing to chat with me for a reference?

  During & after interview, consider:

• Do I feel comfortable around this person – comfortable enough to be with in a completely vulnerable state?

• Does the doula have the kind of energy/approach I think will help me through labor?

• Does the doula communicate and listen well?

• Will this doula support my choices or do they have their own agenda?

If you’re an expectant parent or birth worker, let us know if there are things you’d add!

U.S. Surgeon General’s New Advisory on the Mental Health & Well-being of Parents

Did you see the recent, new advisory issued by the U.S. Surgeon General about supporting and protecting the mental health & well-being of parents in our country? If not, here’s the link. Check out the PDF, the summary, and/or the video.

Parents Under Pressure: The U.S. Surgeon General Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents 

Some selected parts of this I wanted to highlight:

“Parental mental health conditions can have far-reaching and profound implications for children, families as a whole, and for society, including increased health care costs and reduced economic productivity.”

“The mental health conditions of parents can pose greater risks for children when combined with additional risk factors like poverty, exposure to violence, and marital conflict, but they can be mitigated by protective factors like social support networks and positive parenting behaviors as well.”

“It's time to value and respect time spent parenting on par with time spent working at a paying job, recognizing the critical importance to society of raising children.”

A big amen and YES to that last one in particular.

I appreciate the actionable strategies laid out, and that they broke it down into things that can be done by the following:

• various levels of government (national, territorial, state, local, & tribal)

• employers

• communities / community organizations / schools

• health and social service systems & professionals

• researchers

• family & friends

• parents & caregivers

I wish that this advisory had had a bit more of a focus on the perinatal time. So much happens in the enormous rite of passage of pregnancy, birth, and immediate postpartum that can have a life-altering impact on our mental health that we’re not supporting. So to the list of actions provided, I’d add some more specific things for the perinatal (pregnancy & postpartum) phase that desperately need to be implemented to support the mental health and overall well-being of parents:

• Pelvic Health physical or occupational therapy

• In-home breastfeeding support (at a minimum, on day 3-5 after birth)

• Doula support (surprise!)

• Bodywork - Chiropractic, osteopathy, craniosacral therapy, etc. (I’ll point out that midwives in the UK routinely refer patients and their babies to CST immediately after birth)

What would you add?

I love that the advisory included listing the Maternal Mental Health hotline, and I want to include this resource here for anyone who might need it. Call or text the free Maternal Mental Health hotline at 1-833-TLC-MAMA (852-6262) for 24/7 confidential support in English or Spanish. If you’re experiencing a mental health crisis, call or text the free, multilingual, and confidential 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. More perinatal mental health resources (some specifically for New Yorkers) on our sister website here.

What’s a Doula?

We thought it might be useful to give you a video explainer about the role and benefits of a birth doula and a postpartum doula. This video also gives expectant parents a lay of the land of how our collective works. So here you go!