Postpartum Prep: Ask for help, and then more help!
by ERDC Doula, Sheyda
Today we start a 2-part blog series on postpartum support (thanks to ERDC doula, Sheyda!); look for part 2 tomorrow.
Setting Yourself Up with the Support You Deserve Postpartum
Bringing a new baby into the world is often described as beautiful, magical, life-changing, as well as difficult, painful, bizarre—it’s all true. But what’s often left out of the picture is just how much support this time of the life cycle truly needs.
If you're expecting, one of the best things you can do for yourself, your baby, and your family is to prepare for the postpartum period before the baby arrives. That means not just stocking up on diapers and onesies—but setting up a support system that holds you, too.
Why Is It So Hard to Ask for Help?
Many of us were raised in a culture that prizes independence, self-sufficiency, and doing it all. We’ve internalized the idea that needing help means we’re failing, or that if we just try hard enough, we should be able to handle everything on our own.
This mentality masks the truth: human beings were never meant to parent in isolation. Historically, communities helped raise children together. Today, many of us are doing it without nearby family, close-knit neighbors, or a built-in village, and those who are nearby are busy with work.
All this to say - if asking for help makes you anxious or embarrassed—or you don’t even know where to start—that’s not a personal flaw. That’s a reflection of a society that asks too much of us while offering too little, and how the art of receiving just hasn’t been modeled for us. The below quote helps me keep things in perspective when I am feeling this way:
“We are ALL here because of the physical and emotional sacrifice, care and love of someone else. This is part of the life cycle and all new parents deserve this level of care, not just you.”
Why Support Matters More Than Ever Postpartum
When a baby arrives, the rhythms of life change drastically. Basic things—like sleeping, eating, showering, even thinking straight— can suddenly feel out of reach. Our brains are rewiring for connection and empathy so that we are sensitive to our child's needs, while executive function lowers and sleep deprivation makes this part even worse.
Postpartum recovery and newborn care are full-time, all-consuming jobs. It’s unrealistic (and unfair) to expect yourself to also cook, clean, host visitors, answer texts, and maintain the emotional energy you had before.
Support isn't a luxury. It's a necessity.
The more you can build a supportive network around you, the more space you'll have to rest, heal, bond with your baby, and adapt to this new chapter.
Building Your Support Network
Take some time now—before you're deep in the haze of postpartum—to make a plan. Think of this as building your personal care team. Consider your mental, emotional, practical, and medical needs. Here's a starting point:
Who will be your Mental & Emotional Support?
· Partner – If you have one, enlist them to create this plan together. You can also empower them to connect with their own support people as well, as you will be going through slightly different experiences.
· Close friends and/or family – Who is a good listener? Who makes you laugh? Who could help around the house? Who can you text when you are worried or sad? Who are you comfortable breaking down in front of? Who will respect your boundaries? Take a moment to list out who these folks are and keep the list where you can see it.
· Parenting support groups – Online or local meet-ups can be lifelines for connection and shared experience.
Household Help Needs
· Meal train – Ask a friend to organize one, or set up a signup sheet via websites like MealTrain.com or Giveinkind.com
· Cleaning help – Budget for a cleaner if possible, or ask friends to help with chores.
· Errand runners – Think: grocery pickups, pharmacy runs, or walking the dog.
· Postpartum doula – They offer in-home support for learning your baby, physical recovery, emotional understanding and strategic household help.
Identify Medical Providers
· Lactation consultant – In case you need support with nursing or pumping.
· Mental health therapist – Consider lining up sessions, especially if you have a history of anxiety or depression. Providers who are trained in the perinatal period can make a big difference in your adjustment and ability to cope with the added demands life with a newborn brings.
· Pelvic floor physical therapist – this is the provider who can truly access your healing and help you recover and regain your strength and coordination to do the things that matter to you. I recommend having an appointment already on the calendar sometime 6 - 12 weeks postpartum.
· Bodyworkers – massage therapists, acupuncture, craniosacral therapy…if you can budget for it or receive as a gift, these treatments can help balance your body and mind after giving birth and counteract the physical stress newborn care adds to the body.
How to Ask for Help (Before the Baby Arrives)
Okay - this is the part that may feel uncomfortable. But having conversations before you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or in pain makes it easier for everyone.
Try this approach:
· Be specific: “Would you be open to dropping off a meal during the first week after baby arrives?” or “I know people often want to give space when a new baby arrives, but could you check on me by texting me and keeping me up with your news?”
· Offer time frames: “Could I call you if I need someone to talk to during the evenings?”
· Ask for roles: “I’m making a list of people I can lean on for support. Would you be open to helping with laundry or dishes?”
· Check availability: “I know life gets busy—would you be around and okay with helping in this way sometime in those early weeks?”
A convenient way to set up support is through the website www.giveinkind.com, where you can create a care calendar and friends and family can sign up for times to drop off meals, to come over and tidy, to run errands etc. You will be surprised by how many people want to help but just don’t know how. When you give them clarity, it empowers them to show up for you in meaningful ways. Not only that, but by your example, you are giving your loved ones permission to reach out for help when they need it too!
Many hands make light work; knowing you have extra support coming around while you adjust to a new body, a new being in your life and relationship, is a healthy investment for yourself, your baby and your family.
Further Reading: Seven Sisters for Seven Days by Michelle Peterson
